Reset, readjust, restart, refocus.As many times as you need to.
Just don't quit!
The couples that are meant to be, are the ones who go through everything that is meant to tear them apart, and come out stronger.
MermaidDiagram Comment.
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
Meow” means “woof” in cat.
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up.
I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.
Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.
So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he's a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam.
THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police.
How is it possible to have a civil war?
In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom
If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?
It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot.
Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck
If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.
You know what these “God Bless America” people oughta do? They oughta check with that Jesus fellow they’re so crazy about. They’re always talking about “What would Jesus do?” They don’t wanna know so they can do it – they just wanna know so they can tell other people to do it!
You show me a lazy prick who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to piss, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
It's never just a game when you're winning.
There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
Electricity is really just organized lightning
I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker.
Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.
I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.
If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase.
I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body.
There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
[On school uniforms] Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now they have to make them look alike too? It's not a new idea, either. I first saw it in old newsreels from the 1930s, but it was hard to understand because the narration was in German.
Knowledge Strategy Execution
Motivation is a byproduct of action, not the catalyst for it.
Control your thoughts or your thoughts will control you.
Today is a new day. Stop living in the past.
Focus on the step in front of you, not the whole staircase.
You attract what you are, not what you want. If you want great, then be great.
Your goals should scare you a little and excite you a lot.
